Today was the 19th day of my freedom from alcohol. Till a few days ago I used to say “dry” but now I prefer the word “free”. Being sober is being free.
I stopped drinking 19 days ago. I went to a psychiatrist and he prescribed me some medication, to help me get over my anxiety, during my withdrawal stage. It helped. The medication managed to get over the first few days of acute withdrawal.
The biggest problem, during those first few days, was that I couldn’t take a break from my normal routine. I had to function normally at work. I own my own company. It’s a small startup, so I don’t get to take too many holidays. I have taken advantage of being the boss, and slacked off quite a bit during the past few days, to take out some quiet time for myself.
I joined a gym. Its been about a week now. I haven’t missed a day. I usually go in the mornings. The mornings feel so peaceful. I have been pushing myself. trying to channelize my negativity into my workouts, pushing myself harder and harder.
Exercise has helped a lot. It takes away my demons. It drains me. Empties me out. For a few hours after I come from the gym, the endorphins in my system, keep me in a good mood.
I stopped writing in this blog for a while. I kept giving up alcohol and kept relapsing. This time will be different. This time is the last time.
I will try to be regular on this blog. Put down a few thoughts everyday. All part of my therapy.
It is the evening of day 5, and I feel much better.
The morning was bad. I did not sleep well last night. I lay awake till 2am, thinking about how badly I had screwed up my life. I know these kind of thoughts are counter productive and they lead to relapse, but I could not help it.
When I did fall asleep, I saw a really weird dream. I do not remember what the dream was but I remember that it was really weird.
In the morning I had to wake up early to get my son ready for school. It almost felt like I had a hangover but it was different. There was no nausea. Most important of all – there was no guilt.
The cravings were strong so I spent the morning playing a video game. I discovered that the video game was a good distraction. It kept me from thinking about alcohol.
In the evening I had to go pick up my wife from the train station. I was worried about this. There are several wine shops on the way and I know every one of them 😉
I had to fight the temptation to stop the car and buy a bottle. My sneaky manipulative mind kept telling me that I had been sober for 5 days already and one drink would not matter. I put on some loud rock music and sang along to Bruce Springsteen and the Beatles. It felt good. I had not done that for a long time.
I survived day 5 without a drink. In the evening when I met my wife she told me that I seem different in a good way. I feel better too. More relaxed.
There is one thing about being sober that I did not anticipate. I have a lot of time on my hands and I do not know what to do with it. I know I should be getting back to programing (I am a web designer), but I can not seem to concentrate. Maybe I will be able to get back to programming in a few more days. Till then I will play video games and watch movies online 😉
The comments on this blog have helped in a big way. It means a lot to me, that there are people out there who care. The support I have received has helped me remain sober. So please leave your comments.