Tag Archives: early sobriety

Irony

I’ve been smoking a lot since I gave up drinking. Won’t it be an irony if I finally manage to get sober and then get lung cancer. That will be a laugh.


Day 8 – First week is over

Today was day 8. It has been a very difficult week. but I have made it so far. The meds have helped. My family has also been quite supportive. There have been many times in the last few days that I’ve almost slipped back.

The 6th day was the worst. Went to meet a client in a nightclub! He owns the nightclub. We went to meet him because we were pitching for his business. I own a digital marketing agency. I was sitting there taking him through the presentation, talking about the benefits of digital marketing and how we would make his business more profitable and all I could think of was the bottles behind the bar!

Once the meeting was over, he showed me his bar, which has a unique design (it’s made of beer bottles – I mean the whole bar is made of empty beer bottles) and invited me for a drink. I don’t know how I did it but I politely refused, telling him that I was getting late for another meeting. A very close call.

The craving is still there, as strong as ever. Probably not as strong as the 2nd or 3rd day but it is still there lingering like a malignant growth at the back of my mind. It is not possible to ignore it. I just have to keep telling myself that this is natural. I can fight it. I will fight it this time.

I’ve been avoiding my drinking buddies. Making excuses, not taking their phone calls. I have know a few of them for several years now. A few I’ve known since my childhood. I know that if I go out with them, all these 8 days of hard work will just go poof. I won’t be able to resist the temptation. I am not that strong. Maybe I will lose some friends but if they are really my friends – they will understand.


Day 5 – so far so good

Today was day 5 of my journey to sobriety. It was difficult but I made it through. The pills are helping. They make me sleepy and slow to respond. But they also take the edge away. The craving is still there. It’s always there. As soon as I think of alcohol, my mind tries to make up excuses. My mind keeps telling me that I am okay. I have made it through the past few days and one drink will not matter. But i know where that road leads. I have been down that road too many times. Once I start I won’t stop, till something bad happens. After that it will be the same old vicious circle once again.

I have been very busy at work. Running a company is many times more difficult than working as an employee. Too many things to worry about. Salaries, deadlines, clients etc etc… Someone or the other is always there, asking for advice, asking for help, or just asking. It’s very stressful. The thought of the bottle of whisky is so tempting. My busy schedule keeps me distracted, but the thought still lingers in the back of my mind somewhere.

When I go out for meetings and pass a wine shop, I always look. It would be so easy to just stop the car and…

In the evenings I watch movies, play games on my phone, drink lots of juice, read books. Anything to keep myself distracted. It’s working. Every day is another victory, every day is one step closer.

Being dry (I won’t use the word sober yet) has given me a new perspective on the people around me and my surroundings – some of it is good and some of it is bad. I am not sure how much of all this is influenced by my craving for alcohol. But I am not going to sit here and analyse it too much. I am dry and I have been dry for 5 days now. That’s all that matters.


Day 2: stressed out

Today’s day 2 and I am totally stressed out. And there’s a lot to be stressed about. Our so it seems to me at the moment.

I work from home. So there’s someone always around or something’s always happening. On other days it’s not so bad but today I feel I just can’t deal with it anymore. I know it’s my alcohol withdrawals playing with my mind but that knowledge doesn’t help at all.

The power just went out and with it the Internet. It looks like there is a storm on it’s way. Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse. Now I will lose the rest of the day and won’t get paid. At times like this it is difficult to keep my thoughts straight and be logical.

It’s going to be difficult to get through today without drinking.


First day over & the second is starting

It’s 1:22 am now and my first day of sobriety is well and truly over. It was difficult but I know that it is going to get worse before it gets any better. The hardest part of staying sober is the first few weeks.

I feel irritated at almost everything. I am surly and impatient. I fly into an irrational rage at the slightest provocation. And every time this happens my mind sneakily pushes me to go to a wine shop and buy myself a bottle of whisky to stop these feelings.

If I listen to my cravings and get drunk I know I will just have to start again all over again one day. It would be so easy to have a drink but it will be so difficult to stay this process all over again. I just have to hold on. Maybe this time things will be different.

I am going to sleep now. Tomorrow is another day.


Got a payment – resisting the temptation

Got an unexpected payment from a client today. Not a big amount, but still enough to keep me drunk the whole week. The first thing that came into my head – let me go out and celebrate. And celebrating means getting drunk.
I am going to try to distract myself and work on a couple of pending projects. I make websites for a living – so work just involves sitting in my living room working with remote clients. Very minimal human interaction involved. That’s good in a way. I don’t have to go out and struggle with temptation.
Once my work is done I am going to read a book or watch a movie. Anything to distract myself and take my mind off booze.
One day at a time. One hour at a time.


First day – so far so good

It is hard to describe to others what being an alcoholic is like. My mind keeps coming back to the topic of alcohol. If I am watching something on TV and I see someone having a drink, all I can think of is how nice it would be to have a drink. It’s the same if I am reading a book or reading something on the Internet. The trick is in admitting to myself that it’s just my alcoholic brain trying to trick me.
I know the next few days will be tough. There’s going to be a lot of temptation. I am going to go though a roller coaster ride of mood swings. I have been though this many times before. Giving up alcohol without rehab is very difficult. No amount of determination and willpower can guarantee results. But I’ve realised that writing in this blog helps. Knowing that there are other people out there reading my words, feeling my pain, helps.
Maybe this time I will be able to do it. So far so good.