The morning after

Almost every morning I promise myself I won’t drink anymore, and in the evening I am usually drunk. It’s a cycle which repeats almost every day. I am an alcoholic.

But things have been different recently. I have started to realise that my health is failing. I am getting old. I am over 40. I have started to realise that I have to stop or this is it. I won’t last very long if I continue at this rate.

Now is that time, when I can still turn things around. But in order to do so I have to find a purpose in life. I have lost that purpose. In order to turn my life around I have to leave my present life behind. If I do that I would be destroying other’s lives. Can I destroy other people’s lives, my children’s lives in order to save my own? Tricky question 😉

Why do people do things? Why do we make the decisions we do? I made my decisions and my choices. I have lived with my choices for so long. But things have changed in the past few years. I can see nothing ahead for me. I am confused. What should I do?

Do I chose myself? Do I chose others who depend on me? Will I be able to make others happy if I am unhappy?


    1. No. These are questions I need to answer for myself. A counselor will not be of much help, apart from helping me find the questions. I already know the questions.

      Liked by 1 person

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