The positives and negatives of my alcoholism


Positive

  • Helped me sleep/pass-out at night – this was almost every night
  • Helped me temporarily forget how screwed up my life is (screwed up because of my alcoholism)
  • Made me temporarily “happy” while I was drunk

Negative

  • Encouraged me to attempt suicide 3 times – I almost succeeded the last time (200 sleeping pills and 750ml of whisky – landed up in ICU where they pumped out my stomach)
  • Turned me into a surly, abusive person who terrorized his family – they walk on eggshells around me, afraid of my mood swings
  • Made my elder son afraid of me and swear that he will never touch alcohol in his life
  • Fueled my resentment towards my mother (long story which involved the divorce/death of my father and death of my elder brother) into an irrational hatred and led to vicious fights, which has led to us not speaking for several months now, even though we live in different flats of the same building
  • Made me fall asleep and get into a near fatal car accident – luckily it was with a road divider and no one were harmed (apart from me)
  • Ruined my career, losing my cushy high-paying job managing a team of over 40 people
  • Emptied out my savings
  • Encouraged me to lose all my friends, since I prefered drinking alone and had no time for anyone else
  • Turned me into a self-centered, manipulative prick
  • Ruined my sex life
  • Helped me put on a lot of weight, to the point of being obese
  • Ruined my body’s ability to absorb calcium and Vitamin D which led to several bone fractures
  • and make many extreemly foolish choices…

I do not make any excuses. I have done this to myself and to the people who have loved me. I do not like the person that I have become. I hate myself. I am ashamed of myself. I have been trying to give up alcohol for several months now, but I keep slipping back. This time I have been sober for 5 days. In several years, this is the longest that I have ever been sober. I hope, listing out the positives and negatives of my alcoholism will help me remain sober.

Advertisements

3 responses to “The positives and negatives of my alcoholism

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: