It is the evening of day 5, and I feel much better.
The morning was bad. I did not sleep well last night. I lay awake till 2am, thinking about how badly I had screwed up my life. I know these kind of thoughts are counter productive and they lead to relapse, but I could not help it.
When I did fall asleep, I saw a really weird dream. I do not remember what the dream was but I remember that it was really weird.
In the morning I had to wake up early to get my son ready for school. It almost felt like I had a hangover but it was different. There was no nausea. Most important of all – there was no guilt.
The cravings were strong so I spent the morning playing a video game. I discovered that the video game was a good distraction. It kept me from thinking about alcohol.
In the evening I had to go pick up my wife from the train station. I was worried about this. There are several wine shops on the way and I know every one of them 😉
I had to fight the temptation to stop the car and buy a bottle. My sneaky manipulative mind kept telling me that I had been sober for 5 days already and one drink would not matter. I put on some loud rock music and sang along to Bruce Springsteen and the Beatles. It felt good. I had not done that for a long time.
I survived day 5 without a drink. In the evening when I met my wife she told me that I seem different in a good way. I feel better too. More relaxed.
There is one thing about being sober that I did not anticipate. I have a lot of time on my hands and I do not know what to do with it. I know I should be getting back to programing (I am a web designer), but I can not seem to concentrate. Maybe I will be able to get back to programming in a few more days. Till then I will play video games and watch movies online 😉
The comments on this blog have helped in a big way. It means a lot to me, that there are people out there who care. The support I have received has helped me remain sober. So please leave your comments.