It’s day 2 of my new life. I am starting to feel the withdrawal symptoms.
I am getting tremors in my hands and I can feel a buzzing sensation in the back of my head. The tremors are quite mild and I read somewhere that they go away in a couple of months. In my case the tremors will probably stay, since I smoke so heavily. My smoking has increased since yesterday. I think I am unconsciously smoking so much to compensate and take the edge of the withdrawals.
I wonder what’s causing the buzzing sensation in the back of my head. Could it be elevated blood pressure?
I joined a alcoholic and addiction support site yesterday. It’s called SmartRecovery.org. It’s got quite a bit of information and some useful support materials. I hung around in the text chatrooms and found the users quite friendly and helpful. Maybe I’ll ask them about the buzzing in the back of my head.
My muscles are cramping up. This is due to calcium deficiency. Alcohol inhibits the body’s capacity to absorb calcium. That’s probably why I had those fractures in my hands and feet a few months ago. I got some calcium tablets. Maybe these will help.
The physical withdrawals are not too bad. The mental withdrawal symptoms are much worse. I feel agitated and angry most of the time. There are mood swings and depression. I keep reminding myself that these are just withdrawal symptoms of my alcoholism and things will get better. But it’s not easy. I keep thinking of drinking. It would be so easy to go out and get some alcohol. It would feel so good to go and get drunk. But I know I can’t. There’s too much to lose. I need to get my life back.
It’s all in my mind. My alcoholic mind which tries to fool me. To manipulate me. I have to fight it. When I let my guard down, my mind tells me that it’s okay to have a drink. One small drink or two will not matter. But I have been down that road before. It never stops at one drink. One is too many, and a thousand isn’t enough. If I go out tonight and have that drink, which my mind tells me is perfectly okay to have, I will be back at square one. Next thing I know I will be binging again. It cannot continue. It has to stop here.
I am an alcoholic. I will always be an alcoholic, all my life and I can never drink again.