My head feels all fuzzy, like a hangover. But it can’t be a hangover since I’ve been sober since yesterday. The irritability is there, just below the surface, threatening to erupt and shatter my fragile state of mind.
I keep thinking of booze and weed. I try not to think but somehow my mind keeps slipping. Thinking about booze and weed is dangerous for me. I can so easily slip back into my addiction. I need to understand my cravings and avoid succumbing to the temptations.
I have not yet hit rock bottom. I still have my family and my kids. They still love me and need me. My career is ruined but with enough time and hard work, I can get some of it back. It will be hard. Harder than the first time. This time around I am carrying the addict tag. People won’t trust me.
I keep worrying about the future. How will I earn money, how will I provide for my family, what does the future hold in store for me. Too many questions. No answers. I am scared. Some booze or weed will help, but I can no longer afford to seek solace in intoxicants. I have to deal with my demons alone.