The first morning or sobriety

My head feels all fuzzy, like a hangover. But it can’t be a hangover since I’ve been sober since yesterday. The irritability is there,  just below the surface, threatening to erupt and shatter my fragile state of mind.

I keep thinking of booze and weed. I try not to think but somehow my mind keeps slipping. Thinking about booze and weed is dangerous for me. I can so easily slip back into my addiction. I need to understand my cravings and avoid succumbing to the temptations.

I have not yet hit rock bottom. I still have my family and my kids. They still love me and need me. My career is ruined but with enough time and hard work, I can get some of it back. It will be hard. Harder than the first time. This time around I am carrying the addict tag. People won’t trust me.

I keep worrying about the future.  How will I earn money, how will I provide for my family, what does the  future hold in store for me. Too many questions. No answers. I am scared. Some booze or weed will help, but I can no longer afford to  seek solace in intoxicants. I have to  deal with my demons alone.

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